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Archive for October, 2018

Soul

440C1A85-03CF-4AC1-A55F-1890874F9CD3.jpegIn a world where we are forced to be a thousand different things – be your soul first.
Peel back the facades.
Lose the heavy weight that you have been carrying that isn’t yours.
Disrobe what no longer serves you.
Unmask your inner potential with your greatest truths.

Stand tall and firm even when your knees are shaking.
For there is only ONE you in this entire universe.
The world sees and needs you present, and whole, and full.

May your spine help you walk through fear.
May your heart carry your through vulnerability.
May your eyes reveal a window of the essence of your core.

May you choose you.
Not the you the world choose for you to be- but the you God pieced together delicately – held you close and called you a masterpiece.

No matter the space you hold right now- or how far you have come from what makes your soul sing …
It’s time.
And it’s yours for the taking.
It’s what you are meant to do-
Unmask and show us how beautiful He made you.
Let me bask in the glory of your light.

Your soul is perfection.
Your soul is my truest home.
Your soul is love.

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I Color The World

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I feel the world in ways many will never understand.
And in ways I wish others felt of me.

Deep and wide in places a human mind can not comprehend – is often where I dance.
I dance in the glory of knowing this space.
And the ownership of coloring this world shades you can’t see by the naked eye – but only wholly seen by a naked soul.

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We Anew

Be Still.
Live in the moment.
What if that moment hurts?
What if being still is far more painful then running to the noise of the world?
When my heart aches – I want to be saturated in Times Square – honking taxis- big bright lights, crowds of excited tourists-
Not sitting in it- silent and still.

A friend of mine had a baby just a few days ago- and has filled my soul with messaging me cute swaddled pictures.
Who can’t ohh and ahh over a sweet newborn baby?
My take of birth is a different one I have written about many times.
My take is – new life is a precious reminder that seasons change, and beauty comes, and is in our human favor.
The first cry of a newborn isn’t only the relief that they are alive – but a cry out that SO ARE WE.
What seems unfair and not in our favor as humans is the end of the life.
Why is that?
Why aren’t we crying out with joy that this soul once birthed into this world with gratitude and grace- gets delivered home with the same praise.
My soul wants to give that.
My flesh can not.
Our ability to love each other hinders us from releasing someone in our lives – to suddenly not be.
Our inability to not understand the universe or our purpose and just trust in the process is hard.

With every soul returned home, delivers a new life birthed.
We rejoice.
One foot in front of the other.
With our whole hearts.
We offer our ashes to grow as flowers.
We anew.

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The Red Speck

He stood there perched, a red speck in a a sea of green trees. His vibrant red feathers surrounding his full bellied self. From where I stood he was a speck, but my gut knew who he was and what he stood for.

I got in my car and drove to him. All the while he waited from my arrival. When I got there, I admired his beauty. I thanked God for bringing him to me. I turned to face the sun, and like everything in life, he was gone. 380CF269-DB5F-4454-A853-0E58B43772BD

The cardinal is my personal God created sign of rebirth. It’s almost a confirmation that the path I’m about to take, that God is on my side. The day I saw this magnificent one from far away, there was no difference. He was to deliver me a message that I am not alone nor will I ever be. A red speck in a sea of green, that I can relate.

I meant to write for a week now. I needed the words that would justify the awakening that has transpired in a weeks time. The words never came because their aren’t any full enough.

The experience I had last weekend reminds of when people ask me to describe what heaven is like- it is beyond human words – it is spirit felt. Divity that dances in your blood stream, and widens your heart to expansions beyond the limits of your being. This is what awakening and heaven have in common. No words- just surging knowingness that connects you to all that you are.

I signed up to listen to a writer that I have held onto her words like a last breath (who also happened to inspire my Be Still tattoo). I might have also hashtaged that I wanted to spoon her for a few years too! I never dreamed of sharing space with her, I just demanded to the universe that it was NOT an option. I needed to. A life reminder of stop dreaming and start doing.

I went knowing a weekend woman’s retreat about living your truest self was exactly what I needed. What I did not anticipate is leaving loving her more, adoring her wife more than I ever could have ever imagined, or feeling deeply connected to 299 other amazing female souls. 9BB5DCCE-F6A2-4F4B-B90C-A328F1D0A9D3.jpeg

We did the hard work. Asked the hard questions. I even, in the most fragile vulnerable place, stood sharing something I never ever said aloud. This led to woman at the end of that night coming over to me to assure me, say I’m brave, and say things like “me too”. For as much as I love the famous couple who led this beautiful workshop, this particular moment was my favorite. Strangers showing up for me in order to love and honor me. I received them. For once I allowed myself to be the taker instead of the giver, and it was beautiful.

Fast forward to tonight, I just got home from the second wake of this month of someone I am used to having as part of life. I’m reminded again of the fragility of time. I am reminded of the connections we make, and the importance of making sure we are making the memories not the dreams.

Dreams are always for another day not promised to us. Memories are made in the now.

I’m known to apologize how I feel in order to make it easier for someone else. I’m known to choose everyone else before me. I’m known to hush my knowing to make sure it doesn’t disrupt anyone’s life. Suddenly it has become clear to me that it has only cost me – ME!

Starting this week I have done less apologizing, taking care of myself, accepting the knowing, and realizing I am worth saving.

Enough with the dreams of someday, they are today’s memories. B0214B65-8A2E-4594-909B-01072A928872.jpeg

How can I fail? I have God on my side. The red speck in the green sea says so.

I am a love warrior. A soft loving warrior. I got this- in all space and time. I was made to be fully whole and present.

And I am not apologizing.

Lets make memories. I dare you to move past the dream.

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Good Morning

Every single working day for the past 5 years, I saw her face smile at me. She would remind me with humor, on why we do the things we do in that school. She reminded me that she saw me and my value. I keep thinking about this tid bit, because do we as humans really notice those we interact with daily and the treasure it is, in the ability to do so? The truth is, we haven’t a clue the imprint they have on our hearts until they are gone.

Gone is such a vast empty space. Deep as an ocean, we try to make sense of it. My heart is so heavy. I feel so fragile in the space of the unknown.

Today I looked at her face while I knelt by her casket. She looked nothing like who she was. A vacant body doesn’t hold the vibrant joy a soul saturates the world like she did! I admired the kindness coin she held her hand. It truly signified the being she was. I will miss her.

Sudden death of someone is such a core ripping of betrayal in life. It is also matched with the biggest life lesson of: don’t you dare wait! Seize the moment! Be grateful you woke up this morning because someone who was a beautiful light in this cold harsh world, didn’t.

I need to get used to saying good morning to someone else at school. I don’t want to. I’m angry and sad I have too. However, I will, while making sure I take the time to look them in the eye. I will tell them how much I value them. I’ll joke about how crazy middle school is, while we all love our school family hard.

Welcome to the next place. They are lucky to have you. I am sure you will get a homecoming of a lifetime.

I look forward to saying good morning to you again some day- spirit to spirit. At the place we all long to be, while numb to knowing any better. Where there is no vastness of separation and nothing is gone forever. For now, my heart misses you.

“Be Free”,I pray, “Go with open arms- Good morning”.

 

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