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Archive for July, 2019

65655153_10156523426739639_647913348658102272_nI’ve been thinking lately, my life is a lot like an Indiana Jones movie. I have fought vicious fights to get to the cave that holds the treasure. Like blood, sweat, and tears, I have never seen come to fruition, appear in the battle. Just when I thought I would have to retreat and give up, I arrived at the door of cave. “Sweet” I thought. For now on things will be smooth sailing. I will wear a cute dress, my hair will be perfect, and I will beam with joy as everyone claps and cheers that I have found the treasure.

Not so quick. The story never ends without someone trying to steal the treasure the moment you grab for it, or the unveiling of villains that once pretended to be your trusted confidants.

So here I am standing. My heart pounding, sweat dripping, tears pouring, wounds reopening to bare to the people in the most vulnerable way, holding the treasure. Plenty of people of cheering and lifting me up in praise. I can feel the triumph and the bravery that have delivered me to this space. It is glorious and my greatest truth.

Then in the moment I dare to think the hardships are over, I see the dark figure out of the corner of my eye. Its greatest desire is to snatch the treasure from my hand. It reminds me I am unworthy, small, and replaceable. It is in this moment I dare to own the gems or submit to the lies of these shortcomings.

The difference between me and the movie, is that my story doesn’t end with a scroll of directors and producers after that scene. My story continues with amazing cheerleaders, and equally with those hiding in the dark to try to take me down.

Sometimes the darkness is someone who seems like they want to help but are really tailgating on your gifting to try and own them for themselves. Other times they are your family members that think what you are gifted in is conning people, because why on earth would God talk to you? What makes you so damn special? And then, there are those times, when those you have sunk your greatest bite of love onto, abandon you because they aren’t quite sure how to deal with you owning your own truth and making your dreams reality.

The truth is bravery is a lonely island sometimes. Other times is it the most supportive, loving loudly, island that could be found.

Sometimes the brave moments reveal parts of who we are that we hadn’t realized even existed. To give them breath it takes a stance of going out on a limb and trying. This is the most vulnerable part of who we are. Who likes to be vulnerable? Nobody. However, it is absolutely an essential when seeking your greatest joy.

For me, an example of this, looks like hearing messages and honoring the fact I must deliver them, even at the stake of possibly being wrong. Most recently, I was sitting on a beach in Portugal and the message would NOT let up. Over and over, I kept hearing the same thing said to me. I knew who it belonged to, but this person has just been introduced to me thirty seconds prior. So as she stood up to leave, my heart started to race, and I knew I had to be brave. I started with “I know you don’t know me but…” and delivered the message. She automatically knew what I was talking about it, and it was related to a loved one that recently passed in her life. She was in awe. I was in awe. The people sitting on the beach with me, in awe. What would’ve happened had I kept that message to myself, like I have done most of my life with others?

So here I am. I have survived the long journey to get here. I am holding the treasure of my deepest desire of just being me. Yet, I am deeply humble, and in awe, each and every time I help someone to heal, because I am the vessel, and my God is the source. There hasn’t been a time I have stood at the foot of the person I am working on and think “Do I actually know what I am doing?”. The answer is always “He does”.

For all those who are hiding in the shadows, planning a way to steal my treasure, I do not fear you. For one, I have God on my side. For two, I have been through bigger battles than you could ever have imagined. For three, I always survive and rise.

I am free of the temple of doom, onto the last crusade.

If you want to hold my rare diamond, I only accept the light in. Be prepared to have to respect my boundaries. I have worked really hard to find it.

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