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Archive for March, 2020

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Two months earlier then expected, I walked into the space that has gifted me life in a way that nothing ever has, and said goodbye.

My first thought, as I opened the door, was I will miss the smell of the old wood in the vestibule. I will miss how the floor creeks to the sound of a human step. I will miss a space that has worshiped the Lord since 1847. I will miss learning the gifts God made in me, in a house of worship.

I had planned on dozens of “final” healings with loyal clients. I had planned on taking time to process the ending of something that served me so well. Instead, being so close to the heart of the pandemic, I was forced to let go of all of that.

I tried to talk myself out of having the right to FEEL my feelings. How selfish is it for me to be sad about not getting the ending in Connecticut that I deserve, when people are dying every single day from this brutal virus.

Then I decided to gift myself the grace I often tell my clients to gift themselves. I decided I am only human. That I have a right to my grief. I can simultaneously grieve for the world in this time, while also honoring and feeling my own pain.

To walk out the door of a place I am 100% sure Jesus handpicked for me, I know in my heart He has another. For now Seeking Up services has a closed for good sign. However, I believe in a God that didn’t bring me here for a warm up, not to allow me to play the game.

Where ever I land, may it always and only be with Jesus and His intentions. I may cry sad tears today, but I have faith their is a tomorrow when there will be happy ones.

To all my Connecticut clients and loved ones: Thank you for seeing and honoring the Jesus in me. I love you.

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“You are living the life we all wish we could live”.

Someone said this to me with joy and envy in their eyes, uttering the words with great intentions for my being. It made me think how could this be? I am no better off then the person saying this to me, or anyone else. How was I living the life someone felt they could not?

Then I realized, two things are apparent in this movement in life: Jesus and Choice.

You see, leaving my job and starting my own business using my born anointed giftings, may seem easy and dreamy. The part the average person doesn’t see is the struggle to get me there. I was telling a client as she was laying on the table this past weekend, how I secretly hoped she would cancel. You see when you do things that rely on Jesus, they do not come at ease to get there because it requires COMPLETE surrender. I no longer show up to work with a skill set I got a degree in. I show up to work, and I rely SOULY on how Jesus will use me. This keeps be completely humble, but also raw to the bones vulnerable. Every spirit that trusts me on my table is different, which means no two are alike. This “gifting” means I will never “ACE” being a healer, because Jesus is the ultimate healer and its not my skillset I call upon, it is HIS. The enemy wants nothing more than to keep me away from doing that. That means, often life hurdles happen to try to avoid me from getting to the place I am holding someones ankles in prayer. It means lots of judgmental fellow Christians trying to tell me what I am doing isn’t of God, while also listening about supernatural healings from scripture. It means I am constantly incapable, not confident, and unsure of my work, because it isn’t mine to own. Every single step has been in complete and utter obidience in what He alone has called me to do.

This friends it what we all seem to ask while praying or worshiping in praise, but are you fulfilling what that looks like? Have you given complete surrender to a situation in which you know He is calling to fill, but you struggle to own it? Are you, when asking the Lord to move you into a place that is in complete reliance upon Him, ready to be spiritually naked and raw in vulnerability for the entire world to see on display? If not, you haven’t fully given into what He is seeking of you. The aim is always to perfect HIM, not the ego.

Seeking Up has been created by me, through Him, to hold a platform for inspiring Jesus loving souls, to seek a deeper urge of living for Him. His calling upon me to do this, has been typical of what He has set me up for throughout my life. That is, never conform to mankind. ONLY surrender to MY CALL.

You see, I am known to be the swim upstream type of gal. I don’t go with the group for trend, or for comfort. I know, me being uncomfortable ALWAYS leads to growth in which honors and shines HIS holy name.

I noticed for a few months in my new business, that I was seeking out the acceptance of Christian man. I was caught up on, why aren’t they seeing the Jesus coming out of my office? After much prayer and reflection, I realized this was more about my ego, and less about what His intention was. You see, this platform isn’t for the Christian that is regimented in religion, it is for the broken, that are in need to regain a relationshop with Him. The ministry of bringing God in a personal way to souls, isn’t one He needs me to be glorified by. The glory only needs to be owned by Him.

The moment I realized this was the case, was the moment I realized He was calling me to do something else. While my soul was prepping for the fact He was about to take this away and start something new, I had a vision of someone, that shall remain anonymous, that needed my service after losing a beloved one at Sandy Hook Elementary School. When I was shown this, I knew this was not only why He called me to open this business in Newtown, CT, but to have done it in a space that was sealed with privacy and respect: A Chapel. There is a past story to this union between this beautiful soul and I, for another time. But let me just say, this isn’t our first rodeo that Jesus has aligned us together for perfect holy intention.

Before she ever entered the space, the presence of the Lord was overwhelming me. I felt as if I could barely stay in my body. Her healing was like none other I had ever imagined able to be a part of. A true honor. It was emotional and exhausting to my spirit, while also offering a level of certainty that is beyond our humanness. I left that day feeling like if I was to never do another healing out of that space, I have done well. It was as if, this was my grand finale of Jesus saying “well done my child”. The knowing I left with that day, was THE knowing, that my time here is done.

I was not only finished with my new business in Newtown, CT. I am finished with my session of life in Connecticut.

Weeks after this healing, I was standing on the beach in Florida praying to the Lord for clarity. My husband and I had already spent days searching for a town/city in Florida to call home. I was tired, overwhelmed, and irritated. I was told from prayer this was our next space. Why wasn’t our search meshing with my intentions and my spirit? While surrounding it with my arms wide open in prayer, I asked the Lord to be perfectly clear on where He wants me. I don’t want to settle for “Eh it feels ok”, I want to hear my spirit scream “THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT”. The Lord responded to this prayer immediately and said: “I hear you. You still have one place to go. I will not only bless you with what you have asked, I will bless you beyond measure”. The picture attached to this post, was me in this prayer. This picture taken by my husband, was never altered. That spiral you see in the energy of my spirit and the Holy Spirit, dancing in delight of our communication.

The next day we drove to the very last place on our list to visit. And guess what happened? It screamed home. We looked at serval house possibilities and we worried about finances and how this would work. Then I remembered His promise on the beach. A week after our trip, we found a house that was “beyond measure” of what we asked for. The largest square feet for our family of five, while owning a very reasonable price tag that was a price only God could offer. It is ours. And we are going.

When admiring someones life as being what everyone wishes they could have, remind yourself, it can be yours too. All you have to do is choose wisely. You are your own worst road block in living your very best life. A life Jesus desperately wants for you.

I have no idea what He has next for me in Florida, but I know, no matter what it is, healings, teaching, social worker, or perhaps a food bagger, I will do it with pride knowing I am in the exact place I have been called to be.

By Him, Through Him, ALL things are possible.

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