I continue to learn the same lessons in different ways. It’s so incredibly hard to break cycles – especially the ones we create.
As for 2020 – it wasn’t a cursed word for me – it was a perspective I didn’t expect. It blessed me with learning how be independent not only in my thoughts but in my life. It re rooted me to a space that is new! I’m really learning to grow in it while not forgetting WHO I WAS MADE TO BE! Perhaps the resolution to a new year, or reminders of lessons we are in need of (or still in need of) are not perhaps to slay the cycle but alter it a bit little by little. Its like hitting the refresh button but still relying on it to be the same internet. We can expect to change from 11:59pm to 12 am. We must allow ourselves the grace to re-live the lessons if we must, while celebrating all the things we have overcome.
Here are some lessons I wrote circa 2018 that I still find incredibly valid in the now. Perhaps this list will get shorter over time, perhaps it will grow. Most likely it will waver year to year on what is needed, and what has been let go.
*I can’t read minds nor can others.
*If I expect someone to know how I feel I must use my voice even if it’s whisper it is MINE
*it’s ok to let people leave out of your life without explanation. Sometimes there isn’t one.
*love doesn’t actually always win but it always matters
*boundaries isn’t a dirty word it’s a SAFE word
*find some type of exercise that makes you feel strong not for weight issues but for mind ones.
*it’s not only important to say no, or to stop apologizing for everything – it’s imperative for self worth
*don’t make yourself little for others when the king of kings made you to be mighty
*it’s ok to realize things that once brought you joy can come to end. You have served your time. Keep moving and seeking for what makes your heart dance in the fire
*first the pain then the rising. Personal growth doesn’t happen over night or in a linear way. It is messy and necessary.
*I can never have enough amazing friends —- there is room in my heart for the world
I lead into 2021 with honoring the pain and forgiving those that caused it by being grateful for the lesson they have provided me.
And for those I caused pain to… forgive me. I am human. I hope in some way it will serve you too.
2020 has been a hard year on people’s hearts and minds. It has wrecked havoc on feelings of connective worth. Let’s be BOLD in taking on – holding the hearts of humans – no matter where they are at or what they choose to believe. More love 2021 – MORE LOVE!
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